Friday, June 17, 2011

CASH or GIFTS?

I raised this issue last year.
But 5-6months before wedding, lagi i fikir.
Sebab kawan-kawan tanya, nak cash or hadiah? -- jujur tak soalan?

Just from what i observed...
The chinese give cash in little red ang-pow when attending weddings.
according to my chinese friends, the minimum amount is RM80 if attending chinese wedding in KL. :)

The mat sallehS with the gifts-registry.
I attended a mat salleh's wedding once.
The couple have a house full of appliances; so they wrote--- 'appreciate monetary value' in the wedding invitation.

While the Indians-- some write 'no-boxed gifts' in the card which i think is quite practical for destinations wedding and also ease the couple-- not to angkut anything after the tiring reception.

I've done observations when attending Malay weddings.
I realized most still bring gifts for the couple if the family hold nikah/reception at home.

I've experienced sitting at the 'counter' on my cousin's wedding.
Sad to say, there are people who came, salam and gave empty envelopes.
They don't have to give if they can't afford too-- just come and share the joy.
I told my mum about the empty sampul.
mum said "orang melayu ni segan kalau salam tangan kosong...."
but to me, sincerity that matters... after all with so many people at the occasion no one will ever realize u don't hulur anything pun.

But anyway, just my humble opinion---bila attend wedding, please don't make me notice my own friends attending in a group--- datang makan ngap-ngap, amik2 gambar, balik terus. i never did say anything, but dalam hati i selalu cakap "takde adab". ya, it's sincerity. but sbb mereka mampu. lainlah kalau mmg tak mampu. bila bab adat-adab melayu lain nak ikut sangat, tapi bila memberi, susah. i honestly rasa orang macam tu stingy and selfish.

Due to my busy schedule and parents' busy schedule-- we hardly buy gifts, we'll give cash unless a close friend of mine mintak for specific gift (reasonable one ;p)
Sejak dah bekerja, mum thought me on how to determine how much to give. (our family's way):-

rumah: RM20
dewan: RM50
hotel: RM100

That particular amount is very basic, since we're not filthy rich either to give out RM1000! :)
But mum is very reasonable and baik hati--- lets say my mother, father and me attend a hotel reception dinner--- mum will put RM300 in the envelope.
.....as if paying for 3 heads.
Although it's Royal Chulan Hotel, RM160 per head-- mum's rate is forever fixed ha-ha
at least we help lessen the burden of the parents yang buat majlis..... kan?
sincerity is the most important thing.

Anyway, why different rate at different venue?
I don't categorize people by the location but that's how mum thought me.
it's reasonably fair.
The reason people giving cash-- to ease beban ibubapa pengantin who throw out the kenduri.

Remember the formula ( cash x heads = RM?)

Again:--
rumah: RM20
dewan: RM50
hotel: RM100

situation: lets say i attend wedding dengan my fiance, that makes 2 heads:

1) wedding at home: RM20 x 2 heads = RM40 (i usually give RM50 ngam-ngam, senang..)
rational: that's the estimation of catering price per head in KL, so must give no matter what

2) wedding at hall: RM50 x 2 heads = RM100
rational: rate dkt hall berbeza so, estimare RM30-RM50 per head. RM100 is fair.

3) wedding at hotel: RM100 x 2 heads = RM200
rational: usually price range is RM90-200, but katakan i attend a wedding at Mandarin Oriental. I can't afford to give RM400, so RM200 is my max sincere cash-gift-- gaji ciput ;p )


But again, sincerity.
My friends yang tahu i'm getting married ada yang dah tanya apa yang i nak.
to my good friends, i akan slumber cakap " voucher ikea RM100. kalau kau rasa mahal, voucher IKEA RM50. Jangan beli aku hadiah, susah nak mengangkut"
jujur tak? hahaha ;p
to my BEST FRIENDS, i cakap "bagi duit. kasi mak bapak aku"

umum tahu, if we received gifts we can keep them,if it's cash-gift usually parents ambil...
but why not? to me, depa dah sacrifice a lot.
i'm 27 year old this particular 2011.

If we were to do some arithmetics:

Our parents expenditure-- dalam sedar atau tidak, yang jelas atau tidak--- kira-kira RM20k (a year) for food, shelter, clothing, education, health, daily expenses, vacation, barang-barang yang i mintak--- so why not duit kahwin bagi parents?
Imagine, 27 years X 20k = it's RM540k! that's more than half a million.

Belum lagi penat lelah and susah payah membesarkan dari kecil...sebak pula tiba-tiba.

i'll give every single cent to my parents.
i won't take any.
too much asking -- this and that for 27 years.
it's our wedding, but it's their time....


just my 2 cents. love.



if you wish to be super-honest, here is some what a polite wordings to do so...
but if you have more traditional people around u...... then don't.

-----sample of little note that comes together with invitation card-----
source: google

We are sending out this invitation
In hope you’ll join our celebration
But if a gift is your intention
We’ll take this opportunity to mention
We have already got a kettle and toaster
crockery, dinner mats, and matching coasters
so rather than something we have already got
We would appreciate money for our living pot
But most importantly we request
That you come to our wedding as our guest

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5 comments:

  1. sometimes, people tak tahu pon pasal mende ni... kan?i nak pinjam entry ni tau. nak share with my friends kat fb.. so boleh la let them know.. hahaha.. n x payah susah2 nak bgtau. hehehe

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  2. Tatie: dear awalnya u bangunnnn. I tak tido2 lagik hehe

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  3. well said miss X! sincerity yg pnting.my mother also taught me to put money in sampul.takkisah la sikit ke byk.at least tak tgn kosong.i feel awkward if tak bwk apa2.huhu.

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  4. Joo: tq dear just my humble thought...

    Lisa: my mum pun sama... Anyway waktu zmn universiti i pun one of the people yang dtg menonong.hahaha But bila dah kerja i paham sendiri after my mum explained in detail. :)

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